silence

when there is too much to say
silence still speaks on my behalf
unwarranted, it slanderously voices a meaning
louder than the words
i dare not whisper

i've been chewing on these words for months, years
but the bolus of hurt and apology and fault and pain and guilt and heartache
refuses to be assimilated
so i choke
on the mountain attempting to pass my cavernous throat

yet
silence manages to saunter through the crevices
weightless, but heavy
delivering blows i no longer want to throw
and
cutting life-lines between me and you

you

you are the him who said he'd love me, but didn't
you are the him who i said i'd love but... can't
you are the him who i didn't love, but said i did
you are the him i want

you are the him separated from me
by words and the lack thereof
from things said and unsaid
done and undone
you are the one i have lost
or have yet to find

i imagine that my silence beckons to you in the late night
(as yours does to me)
whispering lies and truths, it betrays my position
but you send no cavalry to my rescue
no negotiations ensue

so my silence meets your silence
out on the open pastures
maybe they will succeed at the love
we could never capture

© Chereese La-Vonne Ricketts 2015